Tuesday, September 21, 2010

[de]construction

I wonder:

do you have to completely tear yourself apart before you can appreciate yourself?

I wonder:
what it is that makes me have such up and down days?

I guess this is why I don't like change.


we always joke about things being a vicious circle or cycle, and you don't realize how serious it is until you're caught dancing around in it

bad day -- my fault? -- probably not doing everything I should be doing -- wish someone would fill me in -- missing everyone -- tired -- don't deserve sleep -- not enough work done -- no time to do it -- feeling sick still -- feeling sad -- unmotivated when sad -- more time wasted -- count seconds, minutes, hours -- always think "could have"--

I'm sure in 10 hours or 10 days I'll be as happy and proud as ever. Is this the lifelong cycle? I'd rather just stay up high. Is it a process? Is it all made up?

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