How do you learn to accept friendship from someone when you don't agree with their life choices. I am not your friend because I want to change you. I am your friend because I enjoy your personality, interests, and our conversations. However, with some friends that I have I always wonder "really?!".. when they do things, post things on FB, or I hear from them. I wonder, should I be judging you, do I even care? Do I have a right to care? Obviously I care because I am friends with you, but how much should I let your bad choices bother me. Or who am I to say that they are bad? It isn't that I'll stop being friends with these people, I just always have these thoughts in my mind, and hope I'm not the only person in the world who is wondering about the choices people they know make.
Driving back and forth between Spearfish and Eagle Butte gives me plenty of time to listen to music, panic about deer, yell at stupid drivers, and think about life. An observation I made this evening was that, I dislike driving. You spend time moving across ground, which should seem like a solid productive thing. I get all of this 'thinking' done, and spend time listening to music. Yet I feel so.. unproductive. I don't know how else to explain it, I just really don't enjoy it. It seems like such a waste of time to get to the end goal of seeing my <3 or getting back to my place to do work.
There are so many ideas I have for what to do in my classroom, and I think I just have to accept that I can't do it all in one day, week, month, or year even. It will take many years of being a teacher, and part of the profession is that you are always growing and changing. Even if I think I have it all 'planned out' for a year.. every year my students and their needs will be different, as will mine. I just need to develop strategies and general information that I can adjust as needed. I guess that is the hard part, the part that takes practice and dedication.
I find myself constantly setting resolution after resolution in my head, never following through with one thing.. sometimes they are large resolutions and other times just micro-goals.. yet nothing seems to come of it, and then I feel depressed and disappointed that I didn't change it..
I want to re-read The Happiness Project and actually complete the project and start managing myself better. Paying attention to my thoughts, feelings, and my health, and working towards goals that I set concretely. For personal and professional life.
I posted a FB status that was "When it rains it pours" this is how my life is right now.. with my family and Aaron's family there are so many things going on that are sad and scary.. or just unknown.. it is so hard to try and stay positive and optimistic.. and I was thinking today that.. even if it is raining.. or pouring.. rain washes away troubles and dirt and when the rain is done things start to grow and blossom.. and so if we can manage to stay positive and continue living, after the rain we will be more beautiful and prepared .
Well, I have some things I need to do in my classroom and I feel like working after sitting in the car for 3 hours.. so this is it for now.
Let's talk about that first paragraph. You don't have to talk about people's reasons for their choices with the motivation with changing them. Then again, it has not been proved to my knowledge that having a motivation of changing someone is de-facto bad. It certainly can be, but if you want to change someone's habit of smoking, that's not bad. I'm aware things are deeper than that, but the critique of practical and epistemological ethics is usually "you can't change me! i'm never going to change!" and that's not an argument, that's immature babble.
ReplyDeleteWondering about people's life choices is completely normal, and the mature person can have a conversation about the ethics of others and not have to worry about losing friendship because it's not meant as an insult. If the motivation for the discussion is one of concern, I see no fault with it.
hey dear, i really liked this post. it's normal to think those kinds of things about every one of our friends. as long as we don't obsess over it or let it consume our lives, there's nothing wrong with it. sometimes, people make the choices they do because they need help but they don't know how to ask for it. they feel that, if they make a choice that is maybe unhealthy or somewhat odd, their friends will ask if they need help. (trust me on that one; i've been there done that.) it's not always the reason people make the choices they do, but it is sometimes one of the reasons.
ReplyDeletewith the rain - you have a very positive outlook, and this is what has always drawn me to you. you can brighten my day without even trying, or knowing that you've done so, just by being your positive self. if you need someone to talk to, i am always here for you. also, it's a very pretty poetic metaphor - i knew you should've been a poet, lol!
and, with the happiness project, i am into may now, and close to getting through the book. i will let you know when i finish it and we can start our projects together - if you want? i have the same problem with setting goals and making resolutions and not being able to stick with them. i hope that, through my happiness project, i will be able to change that. and, if you'd like, we can do it together and be each other's support.
i just want you to know that, even though i'm far away and busy with school and homework, i will drop everything for you if you need me.
i love you, dear, very much. if you ever need anything, just let me know.
chin-up! you are amazing and i know you'll get through this just fine. you have a wonderful family, a devoted, fabulous fiance, and a great group of friends who will help you through.
oh, and i wanted to say that i very much admire your dedication to your job. i hope that i will have that much dedication when i get to my job.